My Video Hell

I am right now (in between other, more decisively-deadlined jobs) hard at work on the next episode of "The Game OverThinker." It MIGHT take a little longer than I wanted it to take, read below to learn why...

Every episode of "Game OverThinker" from the beginning until right now have been made entirely using two programs - one for manipulating images, one for arranging and editing video files - made by the same Very Famous Software Company. I won't use their name here because it's still slightly plausible that the problem might be my doing (not looking likely), but let's just say they are Very Famous and are named after a type of building material.

ANYWAY!

I've spent about a full week (in total hours) shooting footage and building FX for the ending sequence of this next TGO episode (the middle part I'm doing last so everyone can get their "Ask Ivan" questions in) and have managed to finally this afternoon cut it together into proper format. It's a complicated sequence - one actor playing about a dozen characters via greenscreen with a lot of effects and sound elements - but also a short one, not even five minutes in length.

The "Media Encoder" that Very Famous Software Company's video-editing software allows as it's SOLE option for exporting those elements as one solid video file refuses to complete that task - constantly crashing a few seconds through the timeline with no available description of what's causing the crash or what can be done to fix it. My assumption is "too many elements," but A.) I cannot be certain because this is apparently 1983 where it's still "okay" for software to give error messages with no troubleshooting and B.) for the amount of fucking money these programs cost (seriously, figure out who I'm talking about and look up how much they ask for their products) this should NOT be an issue... especially for less than five minutes of footage not even in HD.

Now, normally, this is something you'd fix by calling a customer service person. Oh! But, you see, Very Famous Software Company doesn't have reps available "overnight" (because, as we all know, if people with jobs that involve the use of high-end video-editing software are known for anything it's for keeping reliable 9 to 5 business hours) ...or even in the evening. Or even on weekends. Apparently I can order a Domino's pizza at 2am but I can't get service for a product I'm paying... egh. You get the idea.

SO! After many hours of self-research (because, y'know, no customer service whatsoever) it seems that a seperate "effects specific" product ALSO made by Very Famous Software Company might handle this sort of project better AND I can just pop the "raw" timeline from it's current place into THAT with little difficult. Okay, cool... granted, it's another HUGE chunk of change and there's no garauntee this is going to fix the problem (sure would be nice to talk to a fucking customer service person about that, huh!?,) but it's something...

Wait! Wait! Very Famous Software Company knows their products are expensive, so they graciously offer downloads for FREE TRIALS on their website! Well, that's good news! So I go to download it, and instead of just downloading immediately via that little "do you want to download ______?" window like every other website on the fucking planet it instead asks me to install Very Famous Software Company's PROPRIETARY downloading service (which requires a login ID) onto my system. Of course it does, it's Very Famous Software Company. So I download the proprietary service that I need to download the free trial... and it won't work. Error message after error message. There is nothing wrong with my internet service. More error messages.

I have other priorities to get to at that point, so I set about those while periodically trying to make this proprietary downloading service work. Several hours later, my work is done and the download service still doesn't work.

But wait! There's another option! Very Famous Software Company offers a "Cloud" service whereby you pay a monthly fee and get to use various versions of their products... which includes the trial you've been trying to download! Hurray! And there's even a free trial of the "Cloud" service itself - double hurray!

...except once I've signed up for the "Cloud" trial, I don't see the option on it's "Apps Menu" for the product I signed up to gain access to. It turns out that the "free" trial of the product I signed up for is ONLY available through the paid version of the "Cloud" service. Of course it is. It's Very Famous Software Company.

I'm angry at this point. Like, Incredible Hulk angry. My Twitter looks like the private diary of an intern for the Romney campaign. Just burning up with hatred for Very Famous Software Company, their products, my inarguable professional need to keep using their products and most of all for the fact that once again something I was actually really enjoying doing (I honestly love doing what I do on this show, and this sequence was coming together spectacularly) has now been drained of it's joy and may even need to be scrapped altogether because of all this. I work hard on this stuff, and the parts of it that are fun are often the ONLY fun I really get for days on end.

So... fine, fuck it. It's only money. I sign up for a month's worth of paid "Cloud" service. The level I paid at lets me have full access to ONE product. I pick the one I came looking for a 4th of a DAY ago. They process the transaction. It goes through. The "order summary" pops up with a big button for "DOWNLOAD." I click it...

..."DOWNLOAD" takes me back to that same useless "Apps" menu on the "Cloud" service. The option that I'm looking for, that've now paid them to let me use for a MONTH... is not there. I sign out. I refresh. I sign back in. Try again. No change. My account, billing summary, email reciepts, etc show that I paid to be able to download this and it's not letting me download it.

And there's NOTHING I can do about that tonight. Or tomorrow. Or until Monday. Even though that means two days out of 30 that I've paid for will now be wasted.

Because I can't call their service line and ask why I am not able to access and use this product because Very Famous Software Company cannot be bothered to have a customer service line available on evenings or weekends.

Because, apparently, it is acceptable for a software company that operates a Cloud-based download management service that caters specifically to people who need constant, ready access to products and material to run their customer service on fucking BANKER'S HOURS. ...Oh! Except that term is no longer accurate, because I can call my bank 24 hours a FUCKING day.

The sun is about to come up here, and I'm fucking done for the night. The lone "upside" to this nightmare is that this is, fortunately, NOT happening to a show/project with a contractual deadline - if it was, I'd be losing my mind for real right now.

I'm telling myself it might just be some kind of service delay and I'll be able to access it tomorrow, but I know that's bullshit. I know I'm going to spend monday morning/afternoon on the phone with Very Famous Software Company working this out, either getting the trial that I paid for actually downloaded or at least getting my money back... money which will then go into the fund for the many, many hundreds of dollars I'll be spending to buy either a better computer (who knows, maybe this heap just isn't "strong enough" to render that biiiiiig scaaaaaary 4 1/2 minutes of video!) or to buy the full version of this Very Famous Software Company's "Effects" program because apparently it'll help and I'll be damned if all this work I've already done go to waste.

Cloudberry Kingdom is a WiiU Launch Title

Not-bad writeup on Kotaku yesterday evening putting a spotlight on the WiiU's surprising strength as an indie-friendly console given the strong lineup of downloadable games among it's launch titles. One of the standouts looks like Pwnee Studios' "Cloudberry Kingdom," which resembles nothing so much as "New Super Mario Bros." with a sadistic difficulty curve:

Mario Warfare

Have you see enough "What if ______ was crossed with _______??" gags on youtube, webcomics, etc. to last a lifetime? You probably have, but check out this video anyway because it looks pretty awesome regardless.

If nothing else, I'm glad to see "Equilibrium" popping back up as the fan-film point-of-reference du-jour...

Mega Man Is Over

Double-meaning, y'see.

Ever since Keiji Inafune up and quit the company awhile back, Capcom has seemed bound and determined to turn his most well-known creation into mulch: Cancelling a slew of well-into-development Mega Man titles, making his appearance in "Street Fight X Tekken" a self-parody, etc.

The latest seeming insult: The Blue Bomber's promised 25th Anniversary game (keep in mind, we're talking about a Mario/Zelda/Kirby-level Golden Age icon here), billed as a crossover wherein a "new" MM battles a cosortium of foes from all the different subseries, has been revealed as... an iPhone social game; fittingly titled "Mega Man X Over."



Over, indeed. If nothing else, at least Sonic can have some company on the "you used to be good" pile.

EPISODE 75: "Easy Does It"

Our newest episode is now showing for all audiences on ScrewAttack!

In this episode, we examine the modern controversy over "Easy Modes": do they really - as the lead designer of "Assassin's Creed III" recently claimed - "ruin games," or is there a vital place for them? In addition, we proudly announce that the next episode will be "Ask Ivan!" - wherein Ivan the Intern will answer questions to posted to the comments sections under the video itself or to this blog post (see episode for details, no anonymous questions please.)

ALSO! You'll see The OverThinker's favorite watering hole, discover the history of The OmegaThinker, witness the shocking origin of RoboThinker, learn something new about Ivan the Intern and watch ME gradually figure out how to properly use my new green-screen! (in all sincerity, I know some folks run hot or cold on the skits, but I'm pretty psyched with how the "ending" bookend for this one turned out tone, FX and timing-wise.)

Embedded episode and spoiler-y discussion after the jump!



Yeah, I'm proud of this one. The Hutchinson quote kind of fell into my lap as a perfect sort of topic-starter for my little niche here, and it gave me some room to A.) flesh out exactly what it is Ivan is supposed to be doing most of the time and B.) bring RetroThinker back into the picture and try out what might become his new status-quo as "resident old-timey expert guy." He's a fun "voice" to write for, and his "costume" isn't as cumbersome as some others...

As to RoboThinker's origin? I really like how it came out, overall, but it was a winding road to get here.

When I sat down during the "planning stages" for the revamped show as the AntiThinker business was coming to an end, a robot villain named "RoboThinker" was the very first thing I wrote down after deciding to continue the "____Thinker" naming-scheme schtick, but for the longest time that was all I had for him. (FYI, you have been spared the appearance of non-starter ideas like an enviro-terrorist called "Eco-Thinker," a white or yellow ninja tagged as "ElectroThinker" and a flatulence-powered one-off villain named "OverStinker.")

Believe it or not, for a long time my plan was for him to either resemble Robocop or The Borg - which would've been highly unfortunate since this is hitting so soon after "To Boldly Flee." Ultimately, I wanted him to look like a less specific parody, and the final concept ("Super-Sentai Terminator," basically) turned out to be best within my budget/abilities AND to fit best with OmegaThinker's DBZ/Trunks angle (that being DBZ's "Terminator" spoof and all.)

In any case, I hope everyone enjoys this one; and I'm already enjoying seeing people getting into the spirit of "Ask Ivan." If all goes well, you'll get those answers, an explanation of WHY OmegaThinker doesn't want OverThinker doing the fighting and your first taste of RoboThinker's voice and personality next time. Until then, let's hear those questions for Ivan!

U Mad?

In case you hadn't heard, the WiiU has an unexpected third-party (second-party, actually - Nintendo published!) exclusive. Some people are... less than thrilled about this.

The poor darlings.

Off To Work

I'll be getting on an airplane for The Escapist Expo very soon, which means updates to this blog may be a bit on the sporadic/late side from now until Monday. Stay tuned.

Nintendo Being Nintendo

The WiiU's dates and prices have been announced for Japan, and will be announced for the U.S. later this morning. The main non-pricing/tech related news is that it looks like the flagship launch titles will be New Super Mario Bros. WiiU and Nintendo Land.

I haven't seen much of "Nintendo Land," but I dig the "symbolism" of its existance: It's a Wii Sports/Play/Resort installment, but this time set in a virtual Nintendo-themed amusement park. I like the optimisitc (on Nintendo's side) vision of what that represents: that the "Casual-core" Wii newcomers of seven years ago are now part of the broader Nintendo fan-culture (we'll find out if that's precisely TRUE soon enough.)

Moreover, though, much as I'm supposed to roll my eyes at the "regressiveness" of the New Super Mario Bros. juggernaut... and while, yes, I'd RATHER be playing a successor to Galaxy or something truly new... damn it, y'all KNOW me. The first console of the Eighth Generation is launching... with a 2D Super Mario Bros. side-scroller. That's kind of awesome.

EPISODE 75 ANNOUNCEMENT!

Episode 75: "Easy Does It" will debut next Wednesday September 19th at 11:00pm CST right here on ScrewAttack. As ever, Advantage Members can watch it starting now.

ALSO: As announced in the episode-proper, Episode 76 will be our first ever "ASK IVAN" installment, wherein fan and viewer mail will be answered by Ivan the Intern. You can ask your question in the ScrewAttack comments page or the comments here (leave some form of name, anonymous questions will not be answered) concerning games, pop culture or anything else you'd want to Ask Ivan about.

Stay tuned for the episode for more details.

AWESOME!!! "Sifl & Olly" Return... with a Gaming Show!

ROCK!

Pushing Through a Bad Model

Like I said in my last post, painting is zen. If I have an hour or two free, I love nothing more than to turn on every single light around me, grab a paintbrush, and make a piece of plastic come to life.

But when I'm painting a group of models, it's hard to push past that one piece that holds zero interest for me.
I ran in to this problem when finishing my Super Dungeon Explore heroes. I had several models that were exciting to me, which  you've seen, and two that I would have been happy never painting at all.

 
Unfortunately, I'm a bit of a completionist and I can't leave a task undone.

Finally, after hours of staring at me while I happily painted the models around them, the Deeproot Druid and Angry Bear were the last things on my painting tray. I used my first night to take a break and get some work done around the house; I'd been painting a lot and needed a break. Then the second night I decided to hop on my Xbox and say hey to some buddies. But after about 5 days of stalling, I realized that I hadn't done a single bit of fun painting, and I missed it like crazy.

Sadly, that hippy and his furry shapeshift form were standing in my way. And it's not like they're particularly bad models; there is just nothing there that excited me other than using a green wash on his beard.


But I had a whole tray full of minions that needed to be painted, so I had no choice but to push through and deal with it.

Long story short, they finally got finished. I decided to practice some exaggerated highlights on the minimal pieces of fur that were sticking out,


but otherwise this isn't a piece I got in to. But it's done, and I know I'll be happy when I finally see it on the game board. And fortunately, I found a bit of a revelation through this whole experience.

I found a parallel between painting and getting my kids to eat dinner. I have two kids who are picky eaters (isn't that a redundant phrase?), and we've recently begun figuring out how to manipulate them in to eating most of their food. 

We start with giving them equal portions of food, including one thing we know they'll eat (usually a fruit). Of course they blow through their little bit of fruit immediately and want more, but we won't give them any more until they eat the rest of their stuff. So when they know that there is more yummy fruit to be had, they are willing to push through a horrifyingly disgusting meal of spaghetti and green beans.

So from now on, I'm going to try manipulating myself in my painting. I didn't realize until now that I treat my commission painting differently than my fun painting. When doing a commission, I have a job that needs to be done quickly. I love painting, but any models I don't like are covered by the knowledge that I'm getting paid for it. But with the fun painting... not so much.

So really, the Royal Paladin should have been my final model painted. I think having that dangling carrot would have really helped comfort me as I fought through the most boring model I've ever painted.